Ten rows from the floor. Right behind the basket.
Mom, Dad, and four bundles of perpetual motion all under the age of 5.
Candy-striped pants, cheerleader outfits, pompoms, and one well-worn foam finger.
Mom and Dad had already determined that the best approach would be to stay in a zone, watching for cuts to the basket, and the concession stand, and the stairs.
Their hands were full, but you could tell these two young parents had practiced this before. It wasn’t their first rodeo. Or basketball game.
Then it happened. The foam finger incident.
The foam finger that was the sought-after prize of possession for the four young children had landed in the control of the oldest boy.
And he was wielding it like it was Excalibur, hitting everything and everyone in sight. And having a great time doing it. Until…
Dad had told him to stop twice already.
Each time, reminding the young boy about proper use of the foam appendage.
Each time, stating the consequences of misuse. Each time, unheeded counsel.
The third time saw a variation on the theme.
The same reminder on proper use, same restating of consequence.
But this time all of this was accompanied by a single motion that relinquished control of the foam finger from the young man.
No loud reprimand, No public humiliation.
Just the follow-up on the previously stated consequences.
Action meet reaction.
The young boy’s reaction was immediate.
Performing a 180-degree turn on the bleacher, he sat with his arms folded, staring straight ahead with his back to dad.
Silent. Brooding. Mad. Hurt.
Dad leans over and whispers, “I love you.”
Son lightly swings an elbow to create space away from dad…
Only to slowly inch back to Dad’s side and throw another elbow.
“I’m still mad at you, Dad.” I’m still here, Dad…
Unfolding in front of me was an example the Serving Leader principle, Raise The Bar. Dad and Mom had taken the time to identify and define the core values of their family. This young couple knew the essential values of their family and the behaviors that would define them. Their core values set the course on how they disciplined their children (if discipline has negative connotations for you, substitute with coaching).
It was clear in all the interactions I witnessed with this young couple and their kids that they had done the work to embed these values into their family. It was a family that did the right thing because it was the right thing to do.
And when those values became compromised, they took the misstep as an opportunity to provide a teaching moment, because at the heart of a serving leader is the desire to help others become the best versions of themselves.
From The Serving Leader, by Dr. John Stahl-Wert and Ken Jennings:
“We set high standards for performance and then constantly raise the bar for ourselves. We expect more and more all the time.” – pg. 37
“Expect little, and we live up to the expectations. Expect a lot, and we stretch and grow to meet the expectations.” – pg. 40
“…you get greatness out of people by expecting it.” – pg. 41
The drama played out for another ten minutes.
The boy elbows his Dad to get attention. The Dad receives the nudge. “You’re all right. I love you.” To which the young boy inches away again, only to move back after a time and give another elbow.
Unfolding in front of me was something precious.
Mom and Dad had set values to be met and follow-upped with consequences that were proportional to the offense.
The young boy balanced rebellion with the need to know he was still valued.
Still a part of the team.
“I’m mad, Dad.”
“I’m still here, Dad.”
“We can do better, son.” “Let’s think about our actions, son.”
“You’re ok, son.”
“I love you.”
“Always will.”
You get greatness out of people by expecting it.
When we lead others by raising the bar, we raise others up.
We raise great sons and daughters. We raise great marriages. We raise great families.
Went to a basketball game and watched a young couple raise the bar for their family. Well played, Dad. Well played.